I recently had a heartbreaking experience with a family that made me very upset. Two adult sons hired me to help place their father in assisted living memory care. Their father was in a second marriage and living in his home with his second wife. The sons were not Power of Attorney for Health Care or Property. As it was explained to me, the second wife persuaded their father to sign his Powers of Attorney over to her when he had very early signs of dementia but was still well enough to sign. I was also told that the woman was aware of her husband’s ample finances and allegedly had stolen money from him.
When I first met with the family (the 2 sons and new wife), I sensed some very uncomfortable dynamics in the room among the family members. At our first meeting, they explained to me that they had a homecare agency coming into assist their father. He had previously been in a new assisted living memory care community that was part of a brand-chain I didn’t respect. Because of the poor care he received there, his new wife brought him home. The sons hired me to place him in a different community because his constant pacing and refusal to bathe made it difficult for him to stay at home. I investigated options and arranged for his placement at a superior assisted living community that also had skilled nursing care available whenever he might need it.
The clients took my advice and everything went very well. Then, the man’s dementia progressed and he was moved to the skilled care area of the assisted living community. When his wife saw the bills for the skilled care area, she claimed the costs were too high and stopped paying them. However, the sons assured me that their father had plenty of funds to pay and to pay privately (i.e., personal versus Medicaid funds). The community where he was living issued an eviction notice to the wife for non-payment. I told the boys to fight the eviction because moving a person with dementia too many times can lead to serious behavioral issues. The sons took the new wife to court, and their father was allowed to stay.